Deception and Delusion – a match made in heaven

iStock_000020959023_ExtraSmallSitting at your desk and working away, you were minding your own business when unknowingly you caught Deception’s eye. You didn’t realise that Deception was attracted to you, he’d been watching you for quite a while and wanted to get to know you better, he’d already perceived that you were soft, caring and giving. He’d sensed you were slightly vulnerable and lacked confidence in some ways, he sensed that maybe you’d been through some hard times. His advances caught you off guard, you never imagined someone like him (successful, charismatic, handsome, charming) would be interested in someone like you.

Friendly office banter quickly turns to lengthy country drives and soon you find yourself  pouring your heart out to the very caring and ever-attentive Deception. He hardly speaks of himself (except for the occasional name-drop or to share a fine accomplishment), he only has ears for you, your past and all that you’ve been through, he’s so eager to get to know everything about you, all your favourite things and places, your disappointments, your dreams.  He compliments you,  telling you that not only are you brave, you are also incredibly attractive. Oh, you are in Delusional Heaven, finally someone sees you for who you really are. It’s not long before Deception is putting his new-found information to use, flowers of your favourite colour arrive on your doorstep and when you find yourself needing a new car, he sources one in that same favourite colour. You’ve been been doing it tough on your own for so long, you weep tears of joy that someone cares enough to reach out their hand. Deception’s attraction is understandable…  for you are beautiful (yes you are), you feel deeply, you dream big, you love romantic notions, the love you give is unconditional, self-sacrificing and all about the good of the other person. Deception notices it all, he can see you would be a perfect fit for the empty hole he has inside of himself, you possess everything that he lacks within. He is indeed as excited as you are, for he himself is somewhat deluded, you hold hands and together you enter Delusional Heaven.

You can’t for the life of you see that Deception’s love is not really love at all, for love is self-sacrificing.  Deception would never sacrifice himself (not without some due reward), self-sacrificing is for the lowly. No, Deception is here to be worshiped and given endless adulation, for he is wonderful, he just needs others to realise it too. In fact this is his life mission, finding those who will agree with him that he is wonderful, and join him in worship… of himself.   Oh yes, he’s listening to your every word, don’t doubt it, not because he cares, but because he loves information. He uses his very fine acting skills to feign empathy and care, he’s grooming you and breaking down your walls, all the while gaining information (to groom you more and break down more walls). Once your walls are broken down, you’ll become soft and trusting, just how he needs you to be. He builds you up with  adulation (the kind he is hoping you will return to him one day very soon) and you continue along in Delusional Heaven. The hands that build you up now also have the power to tear you down.

Delusion you feel so good!!!  You just can’t remember a time in your life when you felt this good. You’ve felt so empty up until now, this is the something that’s been missing all along! Oh You’ve fallen… in love… with an illusion. Your daydreams take you to the land of church aisles and wedding bells. You envision yourself wearing a white gown and your widest smile, confetti is being thrown in the air as you turn around to face your guests, the announcement is made,  “I now present to you Mr and Mrs Incredible” (aka the Wonderful You). Deception and Delusion become one, hands clasped and fingers intertwined you face the world and begin your new life together. You shed a few tears, and only those who’ve been there before you look on and know, that it is in fact pretty sad, there’s going to be a lot to cry about! But you don’t want to hear about that right now,  for your glory cloud is taking you to heights unimaginable and you’ve become addicted to the thrill of riding so high, anything that threatens your ride or suggests you get off to take a look down at earth below is abruptly dismissed.

And here, your delusional journey with Mr Incredible begins…

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6 thoughts on “Deception and Delusion – a match made in heaven

  1. Enjoyed. I married the DecepTor. Moving out soon. He is NOTHING LIKE what I thought I married. There should be a law against that–like false advertisement!
    lol……God bless

    Amanda

  2. I remember telling someone I FINALLY met THE ONE! And I did. The one who would destroy me. 3 months free from him and I still feel the yearning now and again. But I’ve found myself again. Thank god. Thank you for your blog, Simone. It’s amazing how what we need (this blog) comes along just when we need it. Thank you

    • Hi Anne
      Thanks so much for your comment and for following the blog, I’m so glad you are out.
      The narc constantly presents as two different people; the amazing, kind, endearing, compassionate, attentive, charismatic person and then; the cruel, unpredictable, abusive, controlling, dishonest person. It’s the first representation of this person that we long for and the reason so many of us stay trapped for so long. But this first person I described is not a reality. This person is not real. The second person is the reality of who they are. The rest is an act, an act they know they must perform to keep people where they need them to be.
      Keep moving forward Anne !
      Lots of love, Simone X

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