The Sacrificing Of Your Secret Self

Now that you’re all settled back and fully invested into your new relationship, still feeling like the Wonderful You that you are, Mr Incredible thinks it might be fun to play some games. “Oh games” I hear you say “I love games!” The first one he invites you to play is called Prove yourself. Mm, you cock your head with an innocent frown and think about this. You are not sure you want to play, if someone else asked you to play, you would definitely say a dignified No. But it’s Mr Incredible who’s asking you to play, to forfeit may leave you looking like the loser, and you know you are not a loser, you are the Wonderful You and Mr Incredible knows that too, he won’t let you lose, right? Right. There are many variations to this game;  Prove that you love me;  Prove that you’re worthy of me;  Prove that you have a brain, but the one that you start off  playing is called;  Prove that you are better than her. Whoa! You didn’t see this  one coming, but because Mr Incredible has spent so much time stamping you with his Wonderful You stamp you know it will be okay, it’s him after all who showed you just how wonderful You really are!

Round one beings with Mr Incredible telling you how pleased he is with his new employee (your replacement – yes you worked for him once). He comments on how it’s worked out so well for everybody (you, him and her), now that she  works there and you have moved on. He states plainly and without flinching, “She’s good, you weren’t that good.”
Your head spins, you didn’t hear him correctly; he couldn’t have meant what he said. Your protests are met with a blank stare… you did hear correctly and he meant what he said. He won’t be backing down, it’s no big deal, it’s just a fact. The more you defend yourself, the more neurotic you seem, you even appear jealous or lacking in confidence and Mr Incredible wastes no time pointing this out to you. Arrrgghhhh! You thought you would win this game, but alas, you are losing, could there now be a Wonderful her? Oh-oh.

The intense euphoria that has been your buoyancy until now is suddenly ripped away from you and you can’t stand it! You’ve gone from feeling complete euphoria to feeling empty and void, even fearful. You thought you were the only Wonderful, but now you’re not sure. Your soul inside you screams for everything to return to its equilibrium. Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t it go back to the way it was… two minutes ago. It seems your euphoria might be restored if you silently agree with Mr Incredible, but to do this will mean to go against your Self, oh it’s a tricky one, but euphoria wins. It has to, for not only has it  become the high that you can’t live without, it’s also become your new identity.  Your Self loses, you don’t stand by her.

Noting your acceptance of defeat, Mr Incredible sees this as an opportunity to introduce more games; Piggy-in-the-middle; Catch-me-if-you-can;  and I’m the King of the Castle. Whoa he’s got you on your toes. With each newly discovered lie or inappropriate liaison comes a reason and excuse; “I knew you would read too much into it; I knew you would over-react; It’s a work thing, you don’t understand business; I lie to you because it’s easier than telling you the truth.” (Yes, it’s your fault he lies to you).  Too preoccupied and distracted with restoring your original state of euphoria, these strategies slip by you, and you fail to recognise your own slow decline. You are however aware, that the dynamics have changed, Mr Incredible who spent all his waking hours telling you how wonderful you are, now expects you to prove it to him. This becomes increasingly tiring and nothing like the way things were in the beginning – (incredible, wonderful, euphoric).  On the occasions when you consider listening to your Secret Self screaming out to you that something’s not right, Mr Incredible flies in from out of nowhere like a superhero with copious amounts of euphoria on hand. Back to his jovial charismatic self, full of praise and focused attention, gifts, flowers, endearing words and declarations of love. Oh, this what you’ve missed and you’re so glad it’s back again. Returned once more to your elated state, you are happy, you can breathe and relax, not all is lost, you are indeed Wonderful.

Welcome to your new world, it won’t be as easy as you originally thought, but if you have your wits about you (stay on high alert) and play by the rules (his rules), then you may be able to maintain some sense of euphoria, it’s just that you will have knots in your stomach the whole time. Whenever things aren’t going so well and you are tempted to listen to the pleas of your Secret Self, euphoria will be restored to you in an instant by Mr Incredible, (and things will go well again). You’ve reached the point where you are unable to function without it, the lows are too low and the darkness too dark when it’s not around.  To guarantee your continued supply,  you will need to silence the voice of your Secret Self, she’s begging you to hear her truth, but you can’t, not now.  Continuing to ignore her, brings about a slow death… she becomes a beheaded goddess and someone else takes over the living of your life… your Shadow Self. It has to be this way, because your Secret Self and Mr Incredible can’t co-exist, which is confusing, because in the beginning you both seemed so compatible. Now, it turns out you couldn’t be more completely opposite.  Your Shadow Self  takes over and continues on in this relationship for you, and eventually  your Shadow Self will take over every other part of your life too. Moving further and further away from the memories of your Secret Self, you will eventually forget who she is altogether, and the first person to point this out to you will be… Mr Incredible of course.



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